Interpersonal conflict is disagreement among
connected individuals.[1] As we
walk through life, we each have our experience of conflicts, be it among
family, friends or partners. Here, I would be illustrating a conflict which
occurred in the context of a boy-girl relationship.
(Names used are purely for illustration purposes only)
“You are late again!” was how Carol greeted
James as he arrived for their date. Being upset, Carol scolded James for his
lack of punctuality which recently has become common. Furthermore, Carol
equated James’ lack of concern for arriving on time as a sign of dwindling love
and her becoming less significant to him. These thoughts escalated each time
James was late, making Carol increasingly insecure.
James was annoyed as he felt that he had only
been late for few occasions. To him, Carol was overreacting and he was disappointed
in the frequent fights that they have been having.
When we initially look at this situation, the
main problem seems to be James’ lack of punctuality and Carol’s over-reaction
to the situation. However, when one delves deeper, we are able to get a sense
that this is perhaps only looking at a superficial level. What could perhaps be
causing their relationship problem is Carol’s insecurity and James’ lack of
information of what the true issue was.
This situation was aggravated by how both had
decided to deal with it. Carol was unwilling to share her insecurity with
James, however her insecurity shown through as she started accounting any small
actions or words of James as signs of lack of love. James, on the other hand,
was getting annoyed by how Carol is always so ready to find fault in the minor details.
In an attempt to avoid fighting, James kept communications with Carol to the
minimum and suppressed any unhappiness that he experienced. James’ silence was
however misinterpreted by Carol as a sign of distancing, increasing her fear
for losing James.
In this spiral of misunderstandings, conflict
persists. How do you think this relationship can be salvaged?
This post shows the dynamics of the relationship and how each partner influences the behaviour of the other party.
ReplyDeleteJames by nature is a reserved person whereas Carol seems to be more uptight and has major insecurity issues. The recent squabble started by Carol shows signs of her insecurity. The nagging towards James is a way of expressing her fear of losing James. James however fails to recognize Carol's insecurity issues and remain quiet about it. By remaining quiet on the issue, James have unintentionally cause Carol to become more insecure as she sees James as being cold towards her. This only serve to exacerbate the problem as Carol becomes more infuriated at James and starts nagging at him more as a way of indirectly telling James that she is fearful of losing him.
Clearly,we can see that both parties failed to communicate properly. Carol is not telling James directly that she is having insecurity issues whereas James is not communicating with Carol in the first place to find out what is the main reason behind Carol's constant nagging. This only leads to more misunderstanding between the two and hence causes the relationship to be further strained. As with any relationship problems, the two of them should talk it out and be completely honest with each other. They should inform the other party how they feel about each other and stop beating about the bush on the issues that are bugging them. Only then can their relationship be salvage.